Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Virtual Noob Guide Chapter 8:
The first kind of weapon you should be aware of is the Spanker type. Some of you may have already run into this in your meanderings. An oddly worthless yet enthralling entertaining piece of weaponry, the Spanker also comes in the farter and gaseous cloud varieties. How it works is a real mystery, but the general effect is to make anyone in the vicinity of the weapon holder a potential target by making it appear they've done something they really haven't (read as fart, cloud fart, poop, get spanked, or any other humorous verb). The entertainment value skyrockets when anyone in the room actually denies farting. "I didn't fart! That's absurd!" I mean come on, Miss Priss, we all just read it in chat (it has to be true right?).
The next kind of weapon is slightly more dangerous. The nefarious Popgun and it's many derivatives is not to be trifled with. Given enough push, these little babies can be devastating. They range from a gentle nudge to knocking you 3 sims over. Not to be confused with actually shooting cans of Pop, though I'm sure I'll *coughs*...someone will make one that does eventually. Don't be surprised to see cows, pigs, or prim Founders come flying out of one either. Nothing is off limits when it comes to shooting things out of other things...and I mean nothing. You can even shoot things out of the things that just shot out of the the other things. In another grid there's been reports of a Popgun class shooting used condoms! Some people have no class...I tell ya. Pffft. If you find yourself in a barnyard or used condom crossfire, take my advice and pull out a grill or a pregnancy test. It may save your avatar's life one day.
The next type of weapon makes the Popgun look tame in comparison. It's the treacherous HUD weapon. The HUD (or Heads Up Display) weapon has more functions than college level calculus and can leave you gaping in awe even as you're plummeting 2 billion meters below your sim floor. Pick up your jaw, Gomer! It's not as bad as it may sound. The one saving grace of the HUD weapon is in fact it's overly complicated interface. You can shoot at least 50 cows or used condoms into a HUD user by the time they decide just which orbiter they want to use. There's been many a HUD user still caught reading the manual after the 'anti' griefing attack is over. They'll close their dialog menus only to find they've been pushed 3 sims over with some pigs and are covered in used condoms. But, they'll remember how to use it the next time..I swear..what was I saying again? OH! Spankers..yeah.
The last type of weapon causes fear in even the most stalwart 'anti' griefer; the Particle Spammer. Not to be confused with normal spammers who just invite you to groups, the Particle Spammer seems to rain fire from above..or Super Mario's...it's complicated. At times there's so many Mario's they cover your entire screen! You would think the appropriate counter measure would be to Particle Spam and equal amount of King Koopas but no my young avatar, that would only add to the mayhem. Unless people laugh of course, then carry on with the Koopa attack...or batman..or Eminem. Be creative!
There's literally zillions of variations of each of these types of weapons, but be warned! *points finger excitedly* An AR is a type of weapon too! There are those that wield this ungodly tool like a...tool even. Shoot a used condom on the wrong person and you might find yourself on the business end of the banhammer!!! *queue exclamatory music* Stay tuned, I'm not sure what the hell I'll talk about in the next chapter but I'm sure it will be uber educational and not at all illegal.
Johnny Night and his opinions are in no way affiliated with Inworldz LLC. Please do not take him seriously.